I received this absolutely beautiful Havdalah set by post a few days ago. It is also the first ever Havdalah set I have owned, so it’s very exciting! But at the same time, I have this strange guilty feeling of ‘should I even own something like this at this point’. But how would you actually learn if you didn’t incorporate the Jewish traditions and customs to your life? You need to add one thing at a time, learn to make it part of your daily / weekly life, and not rush and make yourself feel guilty that you are not doing all the mitzvot. It would not be possible to learn and do everything in a short period of time, things like Shabbat candle blessing, blessing over challah, wine, Havdalah, etc. It’s about adding one thing at a time, maybe make a goal to learn to recite a certain prayer by heart in the next couple of weeks, like the blessing of candles on Shabbat, and slowly during the next months you will realize you can already remember quite many things! Some things take more time than others, especially becoming familiar with traditions you had not even heard of before. But it’s okay, it is your personal journey, and you will have your whole life time to learn and build and reshape your practice. This is what I try to remind myself of whenever I get those feelings of inadequacy or doubts about whether it is ‘right’ of me to do something, just because I don’t have a paper officiating me as being Jewish, and because I might not feel the same kind of natural connection with a custom that those grown up with Judaism can have.

So, as well as showing off my beautiful Havdalah set, this post will explain a little bit about what Havdalah is. For Havdalah these three objects are important: a Kiddush cup, a box of spices (Besamim) and a Havdalah candle.

Havdalah is thus a combination of different senses: the taste of wine, the sweet smell of the spices, the light and warmth of the candle. The ceremony brings hope and joy for the starting week.

Although the wine is poured first, before drinking it several Havdalah prayers are recited, traditionally consisting of nine joyful and hopeful biblical verses.

This is the Havdalah cup. I learned that you are supposed to fill it to the brim with wine – oops, I think that’s a lot for a small person like me 😅 The custom is to use at least a measurement of a full Rev’is- but there are differing opinions on the size of a Rev’is, so better to fill it to the top! Spilling it over is considered a sign of blessing.

Although, if you are doing Havdalah in a group, it is customary that each person only takes a sip from the cup – so no, I don’t think it’s common for people to get drunk from doing Havdalah!

This cup has the Hebrew words ‘borei p’ri’ and ‘hagafen’ written on it – they are part of the prayer for blessing of the wine.

There are many different customs connected with wine: some dip their finger tips in the wine and touch their eye lids, some on their necks or their pockets. All these practices are an expression of love for the Mitzvah of Havdalah.

Here’s the spice container. Any pleasant smelling spices can be used, but cloves and myrtle twigs are most traditional ones. Ashkenazim and Sephardim have different customs in this.

The tradition of the smelling the spices relates to ‘losing one’s additional soul’, the soul that some believe a Jewish person gains from keeping Shabbat. The sweet smell of the spices is thought to ease the loss of this soul. Smell is also considered the most spiritual of senses, a sense that pleasures one’s soul.

The next blessing is over the candle. I have ordered a braided candle, but it has not arrived, so no picture of my candle yet. It is traditional to put one’s hands up towards the candle light, so that the flame glows on the finger tips.

This is the plate where the overflowing cup of wine is placed on. The plate consists of words of part of the concluding Havdalah prayer ‘hamav’dil bein kodesh l’chol’. After finishing the concluding prayer, it’s time to drink the wine and then extinguish the flame of the candle with a drop of wine. I was startled by the hissing sound of the candle when I did this the first time – then I read that the hissing sound of the dying flame is part of the Havdalah experience, as you are engaging with all of your senses: smell, taste, warmth and sound.

This is one of the songs I have already been familiar with for quite a long time. It is probably the most popular song to sing after the Havdalah prayers.

Eliyahu Hanavi

Sources include:

Chabad.org

My Jewish Learning.com

Jewish Virtual Library

Daily Halacha

The Jewish Chronicle

Ou Kosher.org

Tiferet Israel Congregation